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  Bush: Good News Is On The Way

September 26, 2005: Burdened by record budget deficits, a controversial war in Iraq, multiple natural disasters, numerous accusations of cronyism and corruption, and the ever present threat of another terror attack, President Bush announced today to the nation that good news is on the way.

"The FBI conducted an intensive investigation," said President Bush, "and concluded that there is no evidence of good news in the homeland."

"But don't despair my fellow Americans," the President cautioned, "I have a plan. We have purchased good news from Taiwan, albeit not the best quality news in the market, but it is all we can afford in these difficult times."

Sources confirmed that an armada of cargo vessels are on their way from Taiwan carrying almost three hundred million News Ready to Read (NRR) packages. A unnamed spokesman for UPS said they have been alerted and they stand ready to deliver the good news to every household in America.

The Red Cross will also be involved with pick-up points at major shopping malls and temporary shelters where folks can hide from bad news until the shipments arrive.

The President concluded, "The future of America is bright. Good news is on the way. God bless you and God bless America."

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