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  FEMA Closed Down, NASA Tapped for Disaster Management

September 20, 2005: President Bush announced today that he is disbanding the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA). All federal disaster planning and management functions are being transferred to NASA with immediate effect.

At a press conference this afternoon NASA Administrator Michael Griffin explained why NASA was the agency of choice for the President.

"NASA has had many disasters and our employees are trained and experienced in managing disasters. We already have assets in space that can provide us with high resolution images of disaster areas, which are very important in determining the optimum deployment of disaster relief personnel and supplies," Griffin said.

When reporters asked how NASA will prevent another flooding in New Orleans, Griffin replied that after stress testing the levee system in their wind tunnels and high pressure pools, NASA engineers will determine which sections of the levees must be rebuilt and strengthened, and write detailed specifications and procedure manuals. Contractors will then be tasked for perform the work to specification.

Once work on the levee system is complete, NASA will install a vast array of instrumentation and camera systems on and near the levees to capture their performance during the next big storm.

They will also install instruments in New Orleans that can accurately measure the extent and depth of the flood, should any of the levees break again.

"Personally I found it very frustrating that nobody knew exactly how high the water rose in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina," Griffin said.

To prevent loss of life during the next big hurricane, NASA will require everyone in the Gulf Region to wear an electronic bracelet. Signals from the bracelets will be monitored by the International Space Station to ensure that everyone obeys a mandatory evacuation order.

"The bracelets come in flashy gold, trendy silver, and standard bronze models," Griffin explained.

If any of the levees were breached during the next big storm, Griffin promised that NASA engineers will work around the clock to examine the footage and reconstruct exactly what had happened. NASA will also perform indepth risk analysis to determine whether it is necessary and feasible to make repairs to the levees during the height of the storm.

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