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  FLASH: Bin Laden Announces Retirement

Cave, Pakistan: Osama bin Laden called President Bush today and told him he is retiring from the terrorism business. "Your natural disasters and political problems are dominating the headlines, and you are ignoring me. I am not getting any publicity anymore. I quit," said bin Laden. President Bush said he understood: "You know, lately I have been feeling like quitting as well." The President also complimented him on the expensive Rolex that bin Laden received at his al Queda farewell party.

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