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  North American Continent Out of Balance

September 17, 2005: The National Institute for Geographic Studies announced today that the North American continent is starting to tip over towards the northern Canadian side.

In a press release, they explained why.
With the sudden exodus of more than a million people from the southern United States gulf region, the North American continent has become unbalanced. The result is, the entire continent has started to slowly tip over towards the northern side.

A senior Institute official, who wants to remain anonymous because she is afraid of further upsetting the tectonic plates, said that she expects that Canada will disappear underneath the sea within the next four months. She expects the Gulf Region to reach the same elevation as Mount Everest before the continent stabilizes. With the continent at a forty five degree angle, she expects Nashville to slide north and become a suburb of Chicago. Similarly, San Francisco will become a suburb of Seattle. Or vice versa.

Not all news is bad, the source added, NASA will be able to launch the space shuttle with a rubber band.

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