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  Scott McClellan Resigns

September 23, 2005: Scott McClellan today announced his resignation as White House Press Secretary.

"Over the past weeks," McClellan told reporters, "I have analyzed transcripts of my press briefings and concluded that my services are no any longer required by the White House. I have decided to resign -- a selfless action that will produce savings in federal spending that can offset the Katrina costs."

White House Chief of Staff, Andrew Card, concurred, "In Scott's press briefings he has used the terms 'I will get back to you on that,' 'I have already answered that,' 'We discussed that last week,' 'What do you mean, [insert question]?' 'I have spoken at length on that,' 'We are aware of that,' and several other variations more than a million times."

Card added, "We decided to replace Scott with a talking doll that will play a recorded message. During question time the reporters can pull a string and the doll will randomly play one of Scott's stock answers. Besides saving costs, the doll will be better looking."

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