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  South Africa Hit by Massive Zoonami

Pretoria: President Thabo Mbeki expressed his condolences today to the next of kin of the victims in the northern part of the country who died as a result of the massive zoonami that had hit the country from Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe is suffering from severe food shortages to the extent that citizens have started to hunt wild animals on an unprecedented scale.

For survival of their species the animals have instinctively fled south, crossing the Limpopo river into South Africa in massive stampedes.

"Entire border communities have been wiped from the face of the earth," said Mbeki. Vibrant communities like the town of Musina exist no more. Musina was overrun by a large herd of elephant that was followed, to add insult to injury, by an even larger herd of rhinoceros.

The communication and power supply infrastructure of the Limpopo province has been completely destroyed by large herds of fleeing Zimbabwean giraffe. Smaller Zimbabwean animals like rabbits, foxes, and mice have caused extensive damage as far south as Polokwane, the capital of the Limpopo province.

Large flocks of Zimbabwean birds have periodically blocked out the sunshine over Johannesburg and Pretoria, and a flock of Zimbabwean pigeon has been found nesting on Table Mountain near Cape Town. Swarms of Zimbabwean locusts have also been spotted on the farmlands in the Free State province.

"This is the worst zoonami in human history," said former President Nelson Mandela in a press conference, "and I want to personally thank former President George H. Bush and my dear friend former President Bill Clinton for their efforts to solicit international donations for our stricken citizens."

At the urgent request of Limpopo Premier Sello Moloto, President Mbeki declared a state of emergency to exist in the Limpopo province, and activated the Central Emergency Management Agency (CEMA) to render emergency assistance as required.

Survivors in the devastated areas have criticized the performance of CEMA. Said one survivor in the decimated town of Makhado: "It has been five days and we have not seen a representative from CEMA yet. The only people we have seen have been Anderson Cooper from CNN and John Robbie from Radio 702."

Accurate casualty figures will probably be impossible to compile since many of the victims would have been consumed by Zimbabwean predators and scavengers like lions, leopards and hyenas.

President Mbeki is scheduled to tour the devastated areas over the next seven days.

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