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  Chief Justice John Roberts Announces Early Retirement

Washington: Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts, who was confirmed on September 29th, announced today that he will retire on Friday.

"I really just wanted to see if I would be confirmed as Chief Justice without saying anything about my opinions and positions on pressing constitutional matters. And by golly I was confirmed," he said. "I owe my wife a hundred bucks," he laughingly added.

Citing concern about potential conflict of interest as another reason for his early retirement he said, "I foresee a number of corruption cases being referred to the Supreme Court in the near future, and it would be unethical of me to hear and decide on cases involving close associates and personal friends."

"And lastly," Roberts said, "I don't take in rookies and give them on the job training."

Roberts shied away from answering questions about his future but did say off the record that he had heard about a possible opening in the senior leadership of FEMA. "I think my facial expressions can scare the right people into action during a disaster," he confided to this reporter.

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