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  Cindy Sheehan Returns Home to California

Vacaville: Peace Mom Cindy Sheehan arrived back home today from her 26-day vigil in front of President Bush's Texas ranch and subsequent cross country bus tour to Washington.

Sheehan was greeted by hundreds of sympathizers bearing signs like 'Single male, financially stable', 'Call me if you're bi', and 'I dig outdoor chicks!'. Five angry pro-war protesters huddled in a nearby cul-de-sac bearing signs that read 'Ten kids, no job', 'Will fight for food', and 'Not my kids, no way!'.

The Eureka tent company has sponsored Sheehan for an undisclosed sum of money to live in a tent in her backyard.

Said Sheehan: "I will continue my protest from home. With modern technology I do not need to be at the White House to be an effective protester."

Several companies donated video and communications equipment for Sheehan to broadcast her protest on a billboard sized screen erected outside the White House. Undisclosed sources also revealed that she has secure video conferencing communications with MoveOn.org to plot the future of the anti-war movement.

Sheehan was visibly touched when she learned of all the donations that had flooded in and vowed that she will stay the course. "We will honor our bus tour gas bill by completing the mission," she said, "and as Democrat politicians stand up we will stand down."

Sheehan also expressed faith that her constitution will improve now that she is back home. "My skin has taken a real beating from the Texas sun and I have been severely constipated from eating too many burgers and hotdogs," she said.

May Parkin, Sheehan's agent and manager told reporters that her client will first seek medical attention for a condition called Telephone Elbow. "Cindy has been on her cell phone non-stop and her elbow is stuck in the cell phone position."

When asked if she still wanted to meet with the President, she replied: "A woman should not run after a man. If George Bush is the true gentleman he claims to be, he will come and see me here in my own backyard."

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