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  International Worrior Federation Holds Annual Conference

Brussels: The week long annual conference of the International Worrier Federation (IWF) commenced today in the luxurious Hotel Amigo in Brussels, Belgium. Serial worriers from across the world filled the large auditorium to listen to the opening address by IWF president, Hermanus Dimitrius.

"We are all worried about not being honored enough to rub shoulders with the best worriors of our modern age," said Dimitrius, "and I am particularly worried that attending this conference is not something that worries each and every one of you for 51 weeks of the year."

Dimitrius noted how worried he was that the delegates wouldn’t enjoy the conference, and wouldn’t learn new and exciting aspects of worrying from all the distinguished speakers. He pointed out that all the speakers have been anxiously chosen and all have thoroughly prepared by worrying that they might leave out essential details in their presentations.

As the delegates filed out of the auditorium they were all issued with a complimentary list of world issues to worry about and an ample supply of anti-acid tablets.

A delegate named Bruno observed: "This list is wonderful. The worst is to worry about not having anything to worry about."

The conference has nine main tracks from which delegates can choose: 'Worrying for Beginners', 'Creative Ways of Finding Things to Worry About', 'How to Worry More Effectively', 'The Therapy of Worrying in Large Groups', 'The New Worry Diet', 'Advanced Worrying for Ulcer Sufferers', 'Worrying: Genetic or Acquired', 'Evangelizing the Carefree', and 'How to Make a Living Worrying'.

Only one of the speakers seemed to have missed the mark with her presentation entitled 'How not to Worry about Worrying'. Nobody enrolled for her presentation. Said one of the delegates: "I worry that I don't know what she was thinking. Worrying about your worrying is the last fallback worry for all worriors."

When asked why he worried so much, Helmut P. from Germany explained: "I think my mother asked God to make me a fierce warrior. But with her accent and all, God heard 'fierce worrier'."

Proceedings were slightly marred when a waiter said "No worries" after a delegate knocked over his wine glass at dinner table. Hotel management suspended the man from duties for a week. Delegates noted how worried they were for his family.

The main message the conference sends to the rest of the world is that there is always something to worry about with no shortage of people to do the worrying.

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