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  Iraq Government Redefines 'Voter'

Baghdad: With less than two weeks to go before a national vote on a new constitution, Iraq's majority coalition of Shiites and Kurds has changed the meaning of the word "voter" to apply to people who do not actually vote. The draft constitution can only fail if two-thirds of the voters (whether they voted or not) in three or more provinces do not reject it.

Confused already, my novice Iraqi voter?

It is elementary, dear Watson. Let an experienced voter explain it to you in every day terms:

  • If more than half the people you meet today do not say you're beautiful, then you are butt ugly.
  • If more than two thirds of the singles in the pub are unattractive, then you are not drunk enough.
  • If more than three quarters of the people in the elevator do not look at you, then it is you who have farted.
Now, do you understand?

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